What Up Slut?

A few days ago a post--wherein I referred to another blog--turned into a discussion of whether or not it is anti-feminist to use the phrase "bitch-slap." Now, I am not sure we settled this discussion, although Hanno made some compelling points about its origins and then asked why using "bitch slap" is any less horrific than using the word "rape," albeit metaphorically. For my part, political correctness always seems rather stifling. Now, I best back up and explain what I mean by that. I don't think we should feel free to use hurtful phrases willy nilly to stereotype and malign groups of people or individuals. I do refrain, perhaps due to my good liberal credentials, from using phrases or descriptors that people will find offensive. It's just plain good manners. If calling someone "black" for example, offends them, then why do it? I have noticed, however, that I refrain from using certain phrases only when I know, explicitly, that they are hurtful to another. Otherwise, I am pretty loose with the kind of slang I am willing to use, even if the words have a really horrible connotation or historical past.

Hanno asks:

"Isnt this a reference to spousal abuse in the first instance, and jail house rape in the second instance? Isn't the 'bitch', as used in this case, a woman more or less owned by someone, or a man who is forced to act like such a woman? Am I wrong, or isnt this prison slang?"

I honestly don't know what the origins are of this phrase, but I am certain that Hanno's account is correct. For me, the question is: does anyone who utters this phrase--"bitch slap,"--particularly if it is feminista like me, using it to characterize a philosophical argument against a wingnut--automatically invoke the past meanings? When I use this phrase, am I necessarily contributing toward a culture of violence against women (and men)? If that is true, wouldn't it equally apply to phrases like "mother fucker," "bitch," "bastard," etc. It's hard to find slang phrases that don't have some violent/sexual connotation. One could choose to refrain from using slurs and slang altogether, and I think that is a legitimate choice. Many of my closest friends never swear or utter such urban slang, precisely because the images that these phrases conjure up for them are horrific. I am, however, clearly unfazed by these same images. Why? In part because I simply don't think of these exact images when I use the words--the usage has changed, the connotation has changed and therefore, I utter them--unfortunately--as easily as any other slang.

This brings me to my point: words/phrases seem to carry different connotations given which linguistic community you are in. If I use the phrase "bitch slap," as a way of describing what I think my brother should do to his fiance when she gets out of line [I WOULD NEVER DO THAT PAM!], then Hanno's point is right on. But, if I use the phrase to describe what Jon Stewart did to Tucker Carlson, does it really put in mind brutal violence against women? It might, however, if I say that X blogger "bitch slapped" Ann Coulter. In this instance, I am sort of reveling in the violence against women connotation, aren't I? Now consider what happens if a misogynist uses the phrase to describe how he handled a female co-worker or girlfriend? Or, what if a gay male fashion designer used it to describe how a model treated him? The fact is that the context of usage and the linguistic community you are in changes, dramatically, what the phrase means and how it comes across.

This leads me to my last observation: how young girls use the phrase "slut." The NYT published a piece--in the Style section--dedicated to decoding what is going on with young girls calling each other 'slut.' The idea here is that older women can use this word--ironically even--and take it in stride. If a self-possessed femininsta, like myself, calls my best friend 'I' a slut--it generally is a term of endearment. We are saying much more with the word than: "you loose, sexually depraved woman." We both know the horrible ways in which this word is used to control female sexuality, and we both reject that move. So, we use it ironically--that is, we obviously don't think that the other is a 'slut,' and use it to deflate the sting it's suppose to give when uttered by some misogynist fuckwad. This sort of irony doesn't always seem to be at play among teenagers, however:

Still, “slut’’ stings much more for girls than for women. Teenage girls get the cultural message that they should look provocative. Their social circles are small, so everyone knows who is doing what with whom. And those who do acquire the slut label have to face up to it daily in school and endure snickers about the very thing girls at that age are most embarrassed about — their sexuality.

“All of our pop icons look like porn stars,” Ms. Rubenstein said. “However they’re all virgins, quote unquote,” she said, referring to Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears. “That’s a very complex message to send to girls.”

For junior high and high school girls, said Leora Tanenbaum, the author of “Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation,” being labeled a slut is still painful and humiliating, despite pop culture’s semi-embrace of the term. Ms. Roxas of Gurl.com said teenagers often inquire about it.

Tanenbaum goes on to emphasize that the double standard--young girls are suppose to tart it up like Britney, but stay chaste--complicates how teenage girls handle the slur. Sure, the social context has a huge part to play in how people experience slurs. But what is equally important is the intention of the one hurling the slur (nice phrase!). If Sandy Dee calls Britney a slut, largely because Britney is more popular and thereby gets more male attention, then most likely her motivation is to sting/humiliate Britney. But, if Sandy Dee and Britney are good friends--partners in crime--then calling each other 'slut,' might be a term of endearment. I doubt, however, that it is said ironically. It's slang among young girls, and slang emanating from the Devil-Wears-Prada fashionista world. So, the origins is this case is most likely sassy gay men.

Alas, it seems to me that phrases take on all sorts of connotations depending on the context of its use and so it seems perfectly kosher to use phrases like "slut" and "bitch slap" without sullying your feminsta credentials. I guess, I just don't like the idea of political correctness, at least in the sense of shaking our fingers at other fellow liberals for using "bad words." The words are only bad if the person intends for them to sting. If a young man says something stupid like--"man, I wish I could get raped," he is not an ass for having used the word rape wrongly. He is an ass for being too stupid to understand that no one would want to be raped and that rape is not equivalent to sex initiated by a woman. So, I think that we need to be on guard for the kind of moralism that often creeps in when evaluating the writings of feministas and such.