Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Feminism 101: Myths and Facts

Dear Readers,

Now that my Christmas preparations are done and I have more time to devote to my daily entries, I have turned my attention to some popular misconceptions and myths of modern feminism. Since I am a practicing feminista and spend a great deal of time writing about feminist issues, I often find myself in encounters with folks are not too familiar with our ways. The uniniated tend to recoil in horror by what seems to be such alien practices and belief systems. Over the years, I have dutifully collected a variety of misapprehensions and darn right myths about the feminista. So, if you will allow me, dear reader, today I intend to demystify and enlighten you.

This post takes inspiration from an interesting opinion piece that I read today over at ifeminists. Before tacking popular myths about feministas, allow me this tiny digression. I was so delighted when I discovered the ifeminist website, thinking that it might be some sort of plug-in or otherwise cute accessory for my iPod or iSight. Alas, my hopes were dashed when I realized it was a cunning website dedicated to conservative "feminism," which champions abused men and the right to bear arms.

Now to the myths. While reading through, think of the person in your life most likely to hurl criticisms at you. I am sure you have such a special someone in your life, you know the kind of officious "friend" who is quick to point out your boo boos, faux pas, or character failures. You know who I am talking about, that person who tells you that you are "putting on the pounds" or that you are "rude to your guests," or that you are "self-absorbed."

Now, think hard about your favorite critic. Is he or she above reproach? Have you ever noticed the extra pounds she is packing on or the snooty ways that he treats the waitstaff at your favorite bistro? Yes, that's right. Our favorite critics tend to dump onto us their insecurities and failures. It is so much easier to pick on someone else than to take a look at your own shortcomings, right?

Alas, my list . . .

Myth #1: Feminism has turned women into selfish, spoiled, spiteful, powerless victims

Unfortunately, this is one of the more pervasive myths of feministas. Far too often do I encounter a young bloke, usually looking a bit alienated, carrying a dog-eared Ayn Rand book mouthing this sort of indictment of our ways. I try to show patience with such critics, since their frame of reference for what women should be is quite different from the ideal of human nature feminists work toward. I imagine that if your default view of "women" is doormat, then any woman who chooses to pursue her own interests might appear selfish, spoiled or spiteful. I find the "powerless victim" epitaph puzzling, since the tribe of feministas, I am told, tend to selfishly and spitefully demand consideration and respect from their fellow humans.

Myth #2: Men and boys aren't the ones who need reforming. Women are hateful and cruel to half the population.

Feministas are not cruel nor hateful to men and boys; I would say that in many cases they are indifferent. While it may be true that men and boys don't need to reform, it does appear that they need to get over their adolescent heartbreak from high school.

Myth#3: Feminists are bitter because they are ugly, hairy and lesbians.

Why would any good consumer be bitter over saving gobs of money by rejecting the billion dollar beauty industry, aimed at manufacturing stepford wives?

What's wrong with being a lesbian? Let me guess:you think its unfair competition for heterosexual men with little foreplay skills? I say, competition is a good thing; it allows the best lover at the lowest emotional drain to win the girl.

Myth #4: Feminism has allowed women's needs to take priority over men's needs.

Haven't you heard the nice little speech that most airline stewards give when going over safety procedures? If you are going down and need to get some oxygen, then you best put the mask over your own nostrils if you hope to be of any real help, support or service to your companion. A dead and drained girl is not so good at meeting anyone's needs.

Myth #5: Men are more at risk and danger than women are: they are more likely to commit suicide, be homeless, die in an industrial accidents, or be unemployed.

This indeed is bad news. Hence, it is bewildering to me that the solution would be to scapegoat the feminista tribe. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you are putting yourself in danger, backing political policies that create high unemployment rates, agreeing to work in unsafe working conditions, and isolating yourself from all love, support and medical attention, then don't come crying to the feministas that you the world is unfair and dangerous for you. Take some personal responsibility, will you?

Myth #6: Women get hired for jobs just because they are women, not because they are qualified.

Well, this is almost right, you just haven't gone far enough here. Feministas seek to dominate every position of power and wealth in society--from the boardroom to the bedroom--so that we can keep all hardworking, qualified men from trying to seize control. We have found that holding all the power and reengineering institutions in such a way that makes our talent appear to be the more valuable, and our values and ways, the more efficient and profitable, is the best way to artificially win all competitions.

Myth #7: Feminists hate motherhood, babies and will cruelly kill innocent lives when given the chance.

You have left out that our covens rely on regular sacrifices of the new blood of young men to apppease the goddesses approval for our empire building and pillaging. Geez, get the rituals right! We don't hate motherhood. We just think its more important for babies to learn from an early age the value of self-sufficiency, competition and personal responsibility. If you are going to contract our childrearing services you need to pay on time. We do, however, reserve the right to terminate all contracts, especially if you abuse management.