Thursday, October 20, 2005

My Modest Counter Proposal for Fighting Poverty

In the spirit of all good totalitarian thinkers, I will propose a better way of regulating sexual relations such that poverty is unlikely.

Rather than encourage marriage between two people, who find themselves young, pregnant and unable to support their child or their marriage, I suggest that we create a disincentive program for men to get women pregnant in the first place. There are lots of routes to this:

I. StopSemen shots and GPS tags: We can court-order regular offenders to get a long term male birth control implant. When we discover that men are being "players," e.g. talking their unwilling girlfriends into having sex because it will make them close, and, these same men refuse a condom, since they want to have the same pleasurable experience as his willing vicitim, these "players" will be also electronically tagged, so that we can monitor, via GPS devices, when they try to sweet talk another young, unsuspecting teenage girl.

II. Automated Lifetime Cash Transfers: Since "players," or ex-husbands seeking younger, more "fulfilling" girlfriend, might stray from their responsibilities once they have impregnated their former conquests/wives, we can set up a tracking system that ensures that at least half of the income that these men earn over a lifetime will go to any women whom he impregnated. If his income is exhuasted,we can go after his kin as well (it takes a family!). To make this work, we will need to make use of the GPS device above, and other surveillance systems that can keep a close eye on male sexual behavior. If and when we catch a man "impregnating" a women (e.g. not using birth control), then our state banking systems will automatically redirect, via electronic transfers, all future income of the man to the pregnant woman.

III. Castration: In cases where a man is simply draining the resources of all their kin as well as draining the social welfare system because of his progeny, we will order castrations. Hey, it worked in the 12th Century, why tamper with tradition?

IV. Compel all Sex Offenders into the Priesthood: If castration isn't a strong enough deterrent, why not send these men into the priesthood. Perhaps their spiritual commitment to God will cure them of their horniness and they can finally aspire to the real riches of the soul.

V. Encourage Homosexuality for All Men Through Huge Tax Cuts: Hey, a sure way to cut down on unwanted pregnancies is to have men have sex with other men. Last time I checked, you cannot impregnate a man. Yes, I know. Some men may still have a lingering lust for women. But, the best way to tame a lust is to offer a better one. So, I propose offering huge tax cuts for all men willing to become gay and sign a pledge that they will not have sex with women.

Any other suggestions . . . ?

UPDATE: If only this were a joke! Scott at Lawyers, Guns and Money has this analysis of Leon Kass's latest anti-female arguments.