Thursday, June 22, 2006

Can Men and Women be Friends?

I caught the late night rerun of When Harry Met Sally last night, and it got me thinking again about Harry's comment that men and women can never be friends because the sex always gets in the way.

Here is the whole dialogue:


Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Surely this is not an issue for non-heterosexual people. I can't help but think of the Sex in the City episode where Carrie muses over the ethics of having dates with gay men as the allowable exception to monogamy ("all that glitters"). But, is it really an issue for heterosexuals?

Can men and women be friends? I started to think about my male friends. I have some really close ones, but none of them are in relationships. I have often worried that when one of them finally gets a girlfriend, I will be cast aside. I think that intuition is interesting. I have a lot of male colleagues that I would call friends, but there is a different quality to those relationships. They are interactions that mostly take place at work.

Hence, I am left wondering what the rest of you think about this? Can men and women really be friends?