Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Warning Signs That You Should Not Date Him

Dear Readers:

Unfortunately in my day job as a Philosophy professor, students misread the sign and think I am a therapist. So, they regularly whine to me about their boy troubles (and sometimes girl troubles, but mostly boy troubles). So, rather than have to repeat myself endlessly, I am typing up this list, posting it in every public venue, and hereby renounce my role as therapist.

(1) His house is so messy that you cannot find a single safe spot to sit.

(2) He always has to have the last word in a disagreement.

(3) You look like all of his other girlfriends.

(4) He takes no interest in your friends, your favorite restaurants, your favorite books, your favorite movies, or your hobbies. In a word: he takes no interest in you.

(5) His friends berate him for being "pussy whipped."

(6) He removes you from social circulation, certain that if you are allowed to have a social life without him, you will leave him.

(7) He doesn't clean the toilet before you come over and there are funky growths in the bathroom bigger than your dog.

(8) His favorite show is "Girls Gone Wild."

(9) He can only have sex while simultaneously watching porn.

(10) His friends worship him as the "ultimate player."

(11) He has a bumper sticker that reads: "Real Men Love Jesus."

(12) He refuses to acknowledge the needs and interests of others.

(13) He refuses to use condoms.

(14) He shows more affection to his pets than you.

(15) He is a Mama's boy.

(16) _________________ (Fill in the blank readers!)